


Heal Me

by shynawkward



Series: Maylor [4]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bri and Rog are so in love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Maylor - Freeform, Song fic, i don't know how this got so long, idk myself, it just happened excuse me, it will make sense once you read it, kind of character study but not really ???, oh and they are husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 11:24:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17661659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shynawkward/pseuds/shynawkward
Summary: Roger was certain that he would want to spend the rest of his life with Brian. He knew he would always love him; he knew that this wild but passionate love they shared would never stop burning. The drummer knew all that since Brian had first told him that he loved him back in August 1975 and now ten years later their love was stronger than ever.





	Heal Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my fellow Maylor shipping Queenies.  
> It's been some time since I wrote something, I'm very sorry but at least this is a bit longer now and a little bit different from what I wrote before, I still very much hope you will enjoy it! Also, as mentioned in the tags this is a song fic, inspired by the song Heal Me by Snow Patrol. If you haven't checked it out yet I would really recommend on doing so. Thanks♥
> 
> Tumblr: Roger-drummer-taylor  
> Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gDhkt45VOo

“Can you heal me baby? I've been dancing in this fire for way too long”

 

 

Can you heal me, baby? Can you love me, baby? Two different sentences, yet to Roger it had the same meaning.

Heal me or love me? What was the difference, anyway?

 

In the drummer’s life, there was only one person who would possibly be capable of healing him. Someone who could heal him by loving him. One person who was able to help him to forget what he had been going through, who was able to show him that there was more to him than Roger himself thought there was; someone who knew exactly who the blond man was; that he wasn’t the _‘slut’,_ the _‘drunk_ ’, the ‘ _drummer with no brain’_ that slept around that sadly some people believed he was. Someone who knew him better than anyone else, who kept on telling him that he was more than what the papers and the news were saying and kind of claiming him to be; more talented than Roger himself would ever believe he was.

This is what the blond needed and those things put together was what one man started to give him years back and still was giving him.

 _Brian May_.

That tall, handsome and totally stunning man, who was able to leave thousands of people speechless with his skills; with the way his long fingers wandered up and down his beloved guitar and his gentle and comforting voice.

Brian May, that brilliant hazel eyed man with his soft smile who was always good with words, who always knew how to make people, especially Roger, laugh, even if it was on the saddest of days.

Brian May, that curly-haired and space-loving man, who was always forgiving and would do everything for Roger, who even wrote a couple of songs for him, just for him. Songs that he sometimes sang to the drummer when he couldn’t sleep or when he had a bad day or simply when he felt like it.

Brian May, that caring and loving man who shared his love with him and still was until this day.

So, yes. It was quite obvious. Roger needed someone to heal and to love him. Roger needed someone who could save him from himself, who would pull him out of this fire that was surrounding and swallowing him for way too long.

Brian Harold May was that one.

 

“But I kind of like it Oh I like it 'cause it's more dangerous than me”

 

 

Before Brian and Roger actually ' _became one'_ , he liked to stay surrounded by this fire, this protection which helped the drummer to hide; to not having to reveal the way he really felt about certain things, about people and which simply covered the fact that almost everything he was, was an act. An act so people wouldn’t notice what was going on inside him. He liked to be surrounded by something more dangerous than himself. Something more painful than the pain he was already feeling due to his silent cry for help that he was pretty sure no one but him would ever hear.

 

“There's a siren somewhere But I'm pretty sure it's only in my head So, tell me how you hear it Is there something supernatural in your bones”

 

 

The first time Roger met Brian his heart stopped beating for a second and once he started playing his guitar and eventually began to sing in the drummer’s head, he could hear the quiet siren’s wailing from somewhere far, far away.

Though, throughout the next couple of years of Roger getting closer and closer to Brian and of getting to know him better and better, the siren in his head got louder and louder, closer and closer until the day his protection, that fire around him, suddenly had gone out and he stood in front of the taller man; his best friend, totally exposed, vulnerable and helpless.

Yes, it was true, Brian had managed to slack the fire that swallowed Roger and to see who he really was. Brian achieved something that no one in the smaller man’s life was ever capable of doing - he could look into Roger’s heart.

The curly-haired man was in the know that so many things that Roger had been doing in his young life were simply acts of making people believe he was someone other than himself. The drummer was simply afraid of himself; of the feelings inside him that he managed to hide so well.

But suddenly there was this handsome, loving and caring man, who became his best friend, maybe even more, looking right into his heart, discovering who Roger Meddows Taylor really was.

Roger himself had no idea how Brian did it, how he heard the blonde’s silent cry for help that he thought was only audible for him. It was like something that only the supernatural could explain; a miracle even. A miracle that he desperately needed and that probably saved him from himself.

 

“Oh, this is love like wildness Coursing through you like a drug And this is hard like kindness Breakin’ you with gentle hands”

 

Roger never believed that his life would turn out the way it did. He never believed that someone could actually start loving him the way Brian did. His love for the drummer was passionate, affectionate and soulful yet wild, torrid and ardent. It was simply true and real. Actually, almost too good to be true. It was needless to say that Roger was replying the same kind of love for Brian. It was like a drug, that never stopped taking hold of them in a good way, that was. Roger vividly remembered the night the guitarist had told him that he loved him, he would always remember it and never forget it.

When he first heard those three words escaping Brian’s lips, the guitarist’s gentle hands were placed on Roger’s hips. Initially, he thought it was a dream or some kind of joke or even just said out of kindness, sympathy or anything alike, which would have broken him if it was that. He never actually believed that a man like Brian would fall for someone like Roger.

He had been in love with Brian for a long time before the taller man actually told him and before Roger actually knew himself. There were indeed a few times where he was so close to telling Brian how he really felt but every time he wanted to do so, anxiety took over and he managed to somehow excuse himself shortly before he would actually say the words of love out loud. He was too afraid. It was because he never thought that he was lovable, not in a romantic way, at least. Roger never thought much of himself in the first place. He was just Roger Taylor; the drummer of a Rock ‘n Roll band, nothing more.

How would someone be able to fall in love with him? It was impossible, that’s what Roger thought at least. Brian, however, proved him wrong. He thought the world of him even though Roger had no idea why or how but it felt good.

 

 

“I call out your name It feels like a song I know so well And it whispers and roars like an orchestra”

 

 

“I love you.” Brian had mumbled out into the warm summer night of August 1975 and it was only just hearable to himself. He was alone. Roger was nowhere near, though at that moment he wished he was.

The band had been at Rockfield farm to record A Night At The Opera and it had been a long and exhausting recording day. Freddie and John had gone to their rooms quite early that night, however, Brian couldn’t seem to fall asleep even though he was more than just tired but a certain blond kept him awake.

It wasn’t like the drummer was never on his mind before, quite the opposite but during that time there was no chance of the brunette to be able to think of something or someone other than his blond best friend. He was on his mind day and night, never seemed to leave; it never seemed to stop but if Brian was honest, he didn’t want him to leave his thoughts, anyway.

Though, since the guitarist’s restless brain hadn’t let him sleep for a couple of hours that night, he had decided to get some fresh air and to watch the stars. He always did that in sleepless nights or when he needed to just think. Rockfield Farm was the best place to do so, anyway. It was silent, no light pollution and to his surprise, in that specific night, there wasn’t a single cloud to spot. It was almost perfect. _Almost_ ; if only Roger would have been there, holding his hand, sharing this moment with him.

Brian couldn’t really remember how long he stood out there, enjoying the view but it couldn’t have been too long as he suddenly heard a familiar voice behind him. A voice that sounded angelic and out of this world to his ears.

_Roger._

Brian quickly turned his head to face his best friend, who was standing a couple of meters away from him in the doorway of the back door, taking a puff of his cigarette. He looked tired, exhausted and sleepy as if he only just woke up but not less beautiful. Brian could have cried at how stunning this man was.

 

~~

 

Roger had been twisting and turning in his bed and couldn’t seem to be able to fall asleep. Therefore, he got up and decided to make himself a tea and to have a smoke. After making himself a cuppa, he opened the back door to get some fresh air and to finish smoking his cigarette. He noticed the silhouette of a tall man, not wearing glasses didn’t really help him but he could make out the ridiculous amount of curly hair and the tall features of the body and he knew in instinct that the man standing outside could only be Brian, probably stargazing.

Roger smiled to himself, he always had been adoring the way how excited Brian got when he started to talk about space, the universe, and all its mysteries. He loved listening to it even though he never really understood much of what he said. Not because he was too stupid to understand or because he was bored, no but because Brian’s soft and handsome face, his shining brown eyes that looked like stars itself as well as the beautiful sound of his soft voice were too distracting.

 

_Oh, how he had fallen for that man._

 

“Brian.” Roger softly called out his name after a couple of minutes of watching him. The drummer would never get tired of saying that name out loud. It would sound stupid to everyone else but to the blond Brian’s name escaping his lips felt good; it felt familiar and brought a certain safety with it. It felt like a song, he knew by heart; one of his favorite songs. Be it one from The Beatles, The Who, Led Zeppelin or Jimi Hendrix, just a song he knew so well; a song that he could sing along to; a song he would never grow tired of; a song that whispered and roared, like an orchestra.

 

 

“You call out my name Like no one before It sounds like I Am called to a home that I never had”

 

 

"Roger?” Brian called out his name in respond after he turned to face the source of the voice.

Hearing Brian’s voice saying Roger’s name made his heart jump and his stomach turn. The drummer didn’t know why or what it was, but it felt like his name was made to be called out by Brian. The guitarist said it in a way no one he knew ever did. It made him feel safe; it made him feel loved, it made him feel at home.

With a smirk on his face, the smaller man slowly made his way closer to where Brian stood.

“Can’t sleep either, huh?” Roger stated more than asked as he stopped right next to Brian, his eyes meeting the brunette’s as he was smiling tiredly but softly at him.

“What’s on your mind?” Roger quickly added, not waiting for a response as he took the last puff of his cigarette and threw its stub to the ground before stepping on it.

 

 _‘You’_ Brian wanted to say but obviously quickly decided against it.

“Nothing in particular, really. I hoped getting some fresh air would help to make me sleepy but it doesn’t really seem to work out.” Brian chuckled slightly.

“What about you? What’s keeping you awake?” He added, looking at him with an almost worried frown as he noticed Roger’s wistful expression.

 

“Ah, it’s nothing. Really, don’t worry.” He lied, shrugging.

Of course, the drummer couldn’t tell Brian that _he_ was the reason for his sleepless night.

The guitarist wanted to say something for he knew Roger was lying but he knew better than that. He knew that pushing or forcing the drummer to say what was on his mind or what was wrong would never work and besides Brian knew that Roger was well aware of the fact that he could tell him anything.

So, the taller man just smiled at him in sympathy before he turned his head back to face the night sky. Roger looked at Brian for a little longer before also the blond turned his head so he could look at the billion little sparkling lights in the sky. It was truly beautiful. The drummer totally understood why Brian loved it so much.

“You see that?” Brian suddenly and very unexpected pointed at the sky after a little while.

 

“See what?”

 

“The Big Dipper, up there?” Brian continued, still pointing at the sky.

“It’s part of a star constellation known as Ursa Major. It looks a bit like a wagon if you will. Makes it easier to spot.”

 

Roger looked up trying to locate whatever Brian was talking about, but once again not wearing glasses wasn’t a big help. He tried his best, though.

“I can’t see no wagon, Bri,” He Roger said after a few seconds, almost desperate though with a little bit of amusement in his tone, too.

 

“Of course, you can. It is the most easily recognizable asterisms in the night sky.” Brian gave his friend a quick look, smiling widely.

“Here, let me show you,” Brian said as he walked behind Roger, so close that there was almost no space left between Brian’s front upper body and Roger’s back.

“Right there,” Brian added with a voice so soft and calm that Roger could have melted away. The brunette pointed up to the sky again as his other hand wandered down to Roger's waist, in order to lead him into the right angle, so it would easier for him to spot what he was talking about.

Feeling Brian’s breath against his neck as he talked and the hand on his waist, he stopped breathing for a moment. 

They often had touched but not like this; it felt different; it felt better; it felt right.

 

“Bri, I –“ Roger stuttered after he found his breath again. He started to shift slowly to face the taller man. First, he moved his head slightly to the side before his whole body gently turned around so Brian was now standing right in front of him. The guitarist who first had his eyes fixed on the sky was now looking into Roger’s blue and beautiful eyes and the hand that had been pointing up was now making his way down to the other side of Roger’s small waist.

They were so close to each other; and not only physically.

Then, all of the sudden, there it was.

 

“I love you, Roger.” Brian breathed out before actually realizing what he had been saying. Brian didn’t regret telling him, though he could have kicked himself for just blurting it out like that, totally unexpected but he couldn’t stop himself either. It was like there was an invisible force that urged him to tell Roger.

It was quiet for a moment and Brian slowly started shaking for fear of what Roger would say; of fear of rejection.

Roger’s eyes were winded and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He didn’t know what to say, of course, the feeling was mutual, it had been for years, there was no doubt about that yet he couldn’t bring himself to say anything so instead he slowly leaned forward to close the small gap between their lips.

 

_I love you, Roger._

That was what Brian had said that night of August 1975 in the middle of nowhere and to the drummer, Brian’s voice, once again, felt like he was called to a home that he never had.

 

 

“Can you heal me baby? I’ve been wasted in the arms of everyone I wasn't looking for you But I think maybe I was and didn't know”

 

 

Yes, Brian had healed him, he still was to this day. Brian was healing him by loving him and it was also Brian who knew how to treat him well.

Roger had been in relationships before but they weren’t real, they weren’t true. He had done this in the hope his feelings for Brian would fade eventually because he thought that this brilliant man could never love him back. Though Roger’s feelings for him never did fade and deep down he knew quite well that they never would; deep down he knew Brian would always be _the one and only_ for him.

During Roger’s relationships that he was in before, he had never really been himself. He simply pretended to be somehow he wasn’t, he was wasting away. The drummer knew it had been wrong and unhealthy to do so and he hated himself for that but what could he have done? He had never received true love before, how should he know how it felt like?

Legend said you should love yourself first before you could actually love someone else, but Roger had no idea how to love himself, there had never been someone to show him; not until he met Brian. It was different with Brian. The guitarist gave him the love he deserved; he showed and taught him how to love himself and he even did so while Roger and Brian were already in a relationship.

The blond was very self-conscious. Of course, he never showed it in public and even people who thought they would know him quite well were fooled by his pretending. Only Brian, as well as Freddie and John and maybe a couple more of Roger’s closest friends, knew the real Roger Taylor.

It was sad but it was true.

Brian and Roger discussed this topic quite often and sometimes it led to an argument that even ended in tears.

There had been one time where Brian caught Roger listening to one of his self-recorded songs on tape but as soon as the blonde noticed the taller man was there to hear it, he destroyed the tape without hesitation, later just calming for it to be awful and not good enough, anyway as well as saying that his songs and the lyrics too, would never reach the quality of Freddie’s, John’s or Brian’s.

It broke the guitarist’s heart to know that his boyfriend was still thinking so little of himself even though he was one of the most talented men he had ever met and that there probably were many amazing songs that his boyfriend wrote but thought they would never be good enough or worth it.

It was true, in fact, the drummer wrote a lot of songs that his band members would never ever get to hear, not even Brian. It was simply because Roger was too finicky and had low self-esteem. He got something written and then worked on tape with his guitar, added the bass, even the piano sometimes and of course the drums. Though he only did it when he was alone in the studio and no one was around to hear it.

Sadly, it happened quite often that when Roger listened to the tape the next day, he would just throw it away, thinking it would be just horrible and the others wouldn’t like it, anyway.

That was also one of the reasons why Roger acted the way he did when he came up with the idea and the song ‘I’m In Love with My Car’. For the first time he had been quite satisfied and proud of one of his self-written songs but everything his bandmates had been doing was making fun of it or saying it wasn’t strong enough. It was quite obvious that this hadn’t boosted his self-confidence. It fairly just had dropped it.

Roger often felt like a burden to Brian because of his low self-esteem and the way he acted because of that, even though deep inside he knew he shouldn’t. He couldn’t help it though, because who would love someone who struggled to love himself, who threw tantrums because of such little and sometimes trivial reasons?

Well, the answer was and would always be Brian May.

During the years of them being and living together, Brian slowly but surely managed to help and show Roger that there was more to him than the drummer himself thought there was. Of course, his insecurities didn’t disappear just like that but there were little signs of Roger accepting himself and realizing that he really wasn’t what he always believed he was and that Brian loved him; that he loved Roger for the person he truly was.

It would always be hard to believe and the blonde would probably never understand _why_ ; he would probably never understand _how_ ; he would probably never understand _what_ he had done to deserve a caring and loving man like Brian Harold May; the man that the drummer had never thought he would be looking for but later had turned out to be indeed the man who destined to be with him.

Roger had been looking for him after all, he just hadn’t known it back then.

 

 

“Oh, this is love like wildness Coursing through you like a drug And this is hard like kindness Breakin' you with gentle hands”

 

 

Roger was certain that he would want to spend the rest of his life with Brian. He knew he would always love him, he knew that this wild but passionate love they shared would never stop burning. The drummer knew all that since Brian had first told him that he loved him back in August 1975 and now ten years later their love was stronger and wilder than ever, despite the Ups and Downs; they only brought them closer together and showed them both that there was nothing in this world, absolutely nothing that could break that love between them; nothing that could get to them; nothing they couldn’t face as long as they had each other and as long as they were together.

Roger was thankful for all that. He was thankful to have Brian at his side and to be able to call him _his_. He was thankful that the guitarist had been there for him in his darkest of times, helping him to find himself and to show him who he really was and always was meant to be.

So, out of that reason, Roger was sure to ask him.

It happened on a warm summer night in August 1985, only a couple of months after their world tour that he gathered all his courage.

 

“Will you marry me?” Even though he was almost sure of what the answer would be, his whole body was shaking, his hands were sweaty and his heartbeat was louder than a million bass drums, well at least it felt like it.

 

“You do know we can’t get married legally, Rog.” Brian suddenly answered, with a smile on his face, clearly finding himself very funny.

Roger couldn’t believe it. Here he was, in front of the love of his life, being more nervous than he had ever been only to listen to his boyfriend giving him a sassy answer like that one; this was actually something everyone would have expected to come from Roger rather than Brian.

 

“Shut up and take that bloody ring already, it took me hours to pick the right one and Freddie hasn’t been a great help either.” Roger managed to say after a couple of seconds, starting to smirk at him before Brian pressed a kiss to his lips.

“I will just take that as a ' _Yes'._ ” Roger breathed out before he kissed him back more passionately.

 

“Of course, it is a _‘Yes’_ , Roger. What else did you expect my answer to be?” Brian said softly after they broke the kiss, now close to tears and overwhelmed with emotions.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare start crying on me now, Bri.” Roger chuckled happily as tears were forming in his eyes now, too.

“And just to make that clear even if we can’t get married legally, I will still call you _my husband_ , anyway.”

Brian just laughed while wiping away a tear.

“I promise you, Bri. If we will ever get the opportunity to get married legally, we will take it.” Roger added, placing another kiss on his lips.

 

And it was indeed 29 years later on a warm day in summer August 2014 that they could officially and legally call each other husband and husband.

 

 

“I call out your name It feels like a song I know so well And it whispers and roars like an orchestra”

 

 

“I love you, _Brian._ ”

 

 

“You call out my name Like no one before It sounds like I Call to a home that I never had”

 

 

“I love you, _Roger_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are very appreactted and would mean the world to me. Thanks for reading.♥
> 
> Tumblr: roger-drummer-taylor


End file.
